- Name something that you appreciate or grateful for about your partner
- What would you like to be acknowledged for? (You may really want to hear your partner say: Honey I so appreciate that you have been doing the dishes so much recently. Or I’m really grateful for how many hours you have taken care of the kids even so I have been working so hard on this project) It may be awkward or uncomfortable to ask for “I would really love for you to acknowledge me for this gets them to say that very thing you are hungry to hear)
- Is there anything that you need from me (maybe this week/this month)
Is there a way I can support you better right now - Was there a moment of a missed connection or hurt feelings this week for you? (What felt uncomfortable?) (try not to respond with defensiveness) Say Thank you for sharing (Gratitude for sharing)
(Talking about solutions is important but start with Empathy / Thank you and give space for the why before jumping into solutions) - Asking Is there anything you would love to hear an apology for / the other person say they’re sorry for (without defensiveness / without potentially explanations) that happened in the past week
- Was there any moment in the past week where you felt really loved and respected by me and let your partner share so that you can both learn about the moments that really help you feel connected. (e.g your partner took your hand and it made you feel valued)
- (Tough one) Is there anything that’s been keeping you awake at night because you haven’t told me and you want to share it with me.
- How could our Sex life be better? Is there anything you want to have more? Or less? How can I support you more with your desires and where you are at with your libido?
- What is a shared activity you’re looking forward to this upcoming week?
- Is there something I can do this following week that will help you feel more loved , respected or supported.
- Do you need more alone time or more time together this upcoming week?
- Is there anything else you would like to share
I definitely recommend a weekly check-in for every kind of relationship: brand new, well-established, monogamous, polyamorous, whatever floats your boats. Of course, you can add or adjust questions as needed to suit your individual relationships.
Take turns asking and telling your partner the above questions